sleep to dream

I keep having these dreams that I am an estate sale or clothing swap and I am trying to find things Beach needs- free things, good things, things offered up for the taking by the generosity & thoughtfulness of others, things I can't give her on my own....

the feeling is quiet desperation.

This morning I lay in my bed watching her twitch in her sleep. Mental note: don't let her sleep in bed with me after meets. She hit me so hard in the face last night, probably saluting, it made my nose bleed. 

Hours later she is still sleeping. I have long since finished the farm chores. Long since shaken the stinging cold of carrying metal buckets of crisp water around the yard, dumping and filling watering stations.  My boots dotted with sticky leaves in the mudroom waiting for the next time. My gloves already lost, my hat somewhere in the bed-sheets- I fell asleep with it on last night.

And in a silent house over a hot cup of coffee I think about the dreams, about the things, about the feeling, and I know what I am looking for has been right in front of me this whole time. 

The free, (well, indirectly free), the good, the generosity & the thoughtfulness, that which I alone can't give her, it's all laid out for the taking. It is way up high, on the second floor, seated on the bleachers, bubbling over in fits of laughter. And it is out across the sprawling maze of blue, in the distance appearing calm.  

It is so abundant in our lives it falls like drenching rain, soaking us and puddling at our feet.

...we are not alone.

I certainly hope now I can find better things to do while I am dreaming than to waste time looking for what we already have.