I suppose when I said I would not hike this trail again I must have meant I would not hike it alone...
And had BC not been beside me I wouldn't have made it up the meager 2 mile trail.
When it was time to move again I felt my whole body reject the possibility of more work. I was shaking and crashing harder than I have crashed in a very long time. Crashing halfway up a mountain. It wasn't a surprise. I had already been pushing my luck.
Beyond the week's total of 35 miles of running there was kick boxing & crossfit, and work, and home, and kid. And the whole forced breakup with bread and friends of bread. All week BC had looked at his plate frowning but laughing, "Another carb free meal." By Thursday he was calling home to request exotic things like rice or pasta. It's not that he isn't being supportive, its just that he is truly hungry. I'm still learning how to put the whole thing together, feeding my family without poisoning myself. Mostly it is paying off. I feel fantastic, tired but fantastic. I gained 5 pounds and dropped a pant size (a size I never should have gained in the first place!). A five pound gain? That's the way my body works. I have learned to accept it.
I thought the shaky feel might pass so I said nothing about it until I had no choice.
BC is very different from the other men in my life. It annoys me to no end how capable he finds me. He pushes me and bates me into fights others would protect me from. He seems to knows where the line is; a line I can't see.
Last weekend when just out of his sight I fell hiking. He knew I was trouble even as I was denying it. Before I could pick myself up he was standing over me, his hand out. He picked me right out of rocks and set me firmly on my feet on the ledge beside him. The ledge I had let slip out of my hands.
Back on the overlook trail after telling him I was crashing he looked me square in the face and asked, "Misty Brown, do you want to quit?"
No, I don't.
I want to fight through this. I want to keep going even when it is hard. I want to face the fight head on. I want to wake up and know where I am.
And in the end I want to come out on top.
Sometimes 2 miles is just 2 miles.