making it to the other side

 I don't talk about the things that happened in my past to many people.  Make up any tragedy you want I don't mind.  It's not like I hold the power to correct you if you are wrong.  I simply don't have the ability to find the words on my own spoken or written.   Nor does it really matter 'what' it was.  All people who have lived have pain.  We all walk with ghosts.   

 Mostly just I know. 

Lately little things have come out, small almost common in a way stories or details.  But today BC got something I have never told anyone dropped on him out of the blue. 

I'd been thinking about it for over a month.  "Do you wish I hadn't told you?" I asked after he finally coaxed it out of me (there might have been some low blood sugar and beer involved).  "Yes."  He answered honestly, "I thought I wanted to know but you were right, I didn't want to know that." And in case you are ever in his shoes that is the right reaction to have.

I might have spared him... I woke up this morning already knowing how the world makes perfect sense to me now. 

A week ago life was very different inside my head.   

 My man and my dog coming up on the summit.

But don't cry
Know the tears'll do no good
So dry your eyes

They told you life is hard
It's misery from the start
It's dull and slow and painful

I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more
Be grateful

~Natalie Merchant 

I believe I have finally found the peace I was seeking.