It's one thing to have a horse you don't own wander past your kitchen window while you are cooking dinner. Simple enough fix. Go get horse. Put horse in the back pasture and wait for BC to explain. Go back to cooking dinner... and a flock of chickens lead by 2 'simple minded' [honest truth, that is what the bin label says at IFA] turkey's stroll by. Easy fix. Put chickens back in the coop with the help of the 3 dogs....except we only have 2 dogs.
Now this 3rd dog is at our house so often Beach has named him Poncho. He is a giant hyperactive chihuahua who just the other day had 2 ears but now seems to have just one.
As far as I can tell it just fell off like a mister potato head part. That might not be completely accurate but since he never stops moving that's going to have to be close enough to the truth.
Getting rid of this dog is not so easy. You can put him in his yard but by the time you have turned around he'll be standing on the sidewalk in front of you- it's a little spooky.
And while I was thinking about the complications of having Poncho the ADHD poltergeist dog a horse ran by followed by a flock of chickens and 2 turkeys....
I got this, when in doubt, call a child out! "Hey, Fisher, you doing anything right now?" I have him take the horse home. He does... only they both come back. Turns out the horse's owner has locked the gate. A bit of an oversight considering the horse, which is not a small horse is on the wrong side of the fence.
Fine put the horse in the back pasture and wait for BC to explain.
Go back to cooking dinner. Open a beer.
In strolls Jack Cat. Instantly like a paratrooper Poncho pounces on her. Jack gives me one sideways glance which I read as 'why does shit keep falling out of the sky on me human?!' Then she explodes into a raging fluff ball of danger.
However it doesn't matter that Jack has turned into sonic the hedgehog because Poncho has moved on leaving Jack pretty much hissing and attacking herself while our 2 dogs look on in horror.
Jack recovers and heads for higher ground just as Beach bounds through the front door home from gym with a large Pitbull in tow. I am quite certain she didn't leave the house that way. Let's see, leo, snack break, water bottle. Yeah, I don't recall a wide mouth drooling Pitbull.
Simultaneously a flock of hungry chickens fleeing from the stampeding horse come flying in to the kitchen through the backdoor.
Now how I see things: Beach, my precious baby, is little red riding hood and that dog the one with the big open mouth with all those teeth- you guessed it- it's the big bad wolf.
Logic dictates the danger falls to the oldest male within shouting distance: "Fisher!" He steps out of his room and says 'what the..." and I say, right?
Beach: "Can I keep her, I've named her Sunshine."
Okay, let's count heads because I am sure I have not prepared enough dinner and Sunshine looks hungry....
Beach, "Hey, mom where is Poncho's other ear?"
At this point there is no waiting for BC.
We shoo out the chickens and leash old Sunshine. We walk her up and down 10th west. Mostly it feels like walking a crocodile with a touch of stampeding bison. No leash manners, all teeth.
Three cars slow down to see her because they, yes all 3 of them, have misplaced their Pitbulls, and yet somehow Sunshine is not any of their missing dogs- are you kidding me?! This is not how probability should work.
I did however get on offer for me to meet some guy at his apartment later- he even said I could bring the dog. Well, that isn't uncomfortable.
After that little encounter we went home to wait for BC. And to finish cooking dinner and while I'm at it, a second beer.
Eventually BC shows up. Unfazed by what he finds, he wants dinner which is fine. He can have it. I'm on to whiskey.
A flock of dogs chasing a cat bound through the kitchen over the white sofa and up the stairs with Beach calling "Be careful Poncho, don't fall through". It's a little insane. They pass the other direction in reverse order Jack chasing the dogs. Beach calling after them, "Wait for Sunshine!"
BC, "If you're not going to finish your noodles I will."
Blank stares from my family while they try to figure out if I am joking or not- for the record- I'm not.
Dinner continues through epic chaos 3 degrees beyond anything the Kappos-Robert's children are capable of unleashing. And then Ladybug cat shows up the front door gives one little sweet meow to come in and Sunshine goes ape shit.
Well, that sure disproves the validity of Noah's ark. You can have any number of animals in a confined space but adding a second cat- that's the sinker. Not to mention how much alcohol would be needed to keep Noah's wife from killing and cooking the whole lot of them.
Following dinner and the total eclipse of Sunshine's brightness I pick up Poncho and hand deliver her to her family. "Here, I got something for you!" They act happy but I'm totally on to them. I'm sure this little dog is some sort of voodoo curse...that might explain the missing ear.
Then BC and I take Sunshine out for a long walk. We have 2 offers from strange men to take the dog off our hands. Sort feel like a dog pimp.
BC turns them down flat while I consider a few things... I would like a new pair of leather boots.
We make our way around the block knocking on doors following the pointing fingers and end up in a large block of apartments. And that one guy, the meet me later guy walks up to us. BC and him have a little talk and BC agrees that short of calling the dog catchers we are out of options.
Turns out this guy finds Sunshine all the time, let's her stay over with his dogs until random unidentified kids show up to claim her. Better than the pound. We hand her over.
We return home. BC locks up the flock. Tucks in the turkeys and turns the horse out in the pasture for the night.
Really it's all simple enough.... until you hear someone say "Hey, will somebody let Poncho in, he's scratching at the backdoor."
No comments:
Post a Comment