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Beach & Sophie going Gangnam Style

Yesterday at an intersection between my house and a friend's, where I was dropping Beach for a sleepover, an old feeling hit me.  I miss my sister.  It came out of nowhere, between heavy dentist appoints for Beach, news of mass slaughter of innocence, holiday parties lining up, un-purchased gifts, a dress with a seam in need of repair (noticed too late), money not saved, and the hope of a little Christmas tree dwindling- madness.  Proof of my shortcomings.  The world of a 9 yr old resting on my shoulders and I am letting her down.  I am one of those people who the holidays send into a down hill spiral.  Shopping makes me crazy.

Walking out of Old Navy with two new shirts and a new pair of shoes to put under our nonexistent tree for Beach doesn't fill me with joy, it breaks my heart.  She will love them and that makes me sad.  Sad that what she will love the most about them is they are NEW, not just new to her. 
  

The feeling of utter loneliness settled on me in the calm of falling snow so wet and light it became rain on contact with the windshield.  Even this far removed I still have a hard time understanding what dead means.  I suppose in that moment I needed a friend: I was sick, under pressure, a bit upset, and feeling defeated.  I needed someone to laugh at me while telling me to suck it up and further more to enjoy it.  Thinking the song on the radio was not helping I switched stations.  The new song playing was Cool and the Gang Celebrate Good Times.  The song we had spent hours of our childhood playing and replaying a song whose air time should have run out long ago.  I was so surprised to hear it I nearly missed the entrance to the freeway…sometimes more than anything I want to believe that we are not alone.