excuse me officer, could you hand me my shirt?

excuse me, officer, could you hand me my shirt? 

(hiking without happy meals April 13, 2011)

If your neighbor who has six kids, no job, is on food assistance, yet has an unending supply of disposable money lying around she might not be in the PTA.  Or she might, but she has a side job with the government. 

Well not exactly with them but if you think about the War on Drugs is a huge employer in the USA. It might even give old mighty Walmart, aka the Devil’s playground, a run for its money. 

Also when your neighbor's place ‘gets’ a home invasion robbery & you are told the well-armed thugs had the wrong house, spending a few months worrying about why they had not double-checked the address before kicking in the door might be pointless angst. 

The other thing to note about said drug dealing neighbor she might actually become one of your best friends.  

Wow.  That’s really strange because I’m sure I think most synthetic street drugs are bad.  It's all pretty black & white & green to me. Bad guys are bad guys.  

Unless they cook really great Mexican food, braid your kid’s hair, save your dog from being hit by a speeding car, and sit in your back yard with you all summer sipping lemon aid and watching the kids play in the grass.

Slowly over the warm months, she began to admit to me what her boyfriend was doing over there on the other side of the fence.  Hum. Now what? 

You like her, no not just like her you care about her.  You love her children.  For hell sakes, you are practically raising the youngest two as if they were your own. The middle two listen to you when they won't listen to anyone else.  It's a giant mess.  Instead of a nice little Movie of the Week, it's a pink Valentine's day cards with a real bleeding heart glued to it by a paste-waster. 

She wanted out.  She wanted a good & normal life for all of them BUT... 

When we returned home from a camping trip & the house sitters told us about the raid on the house next door, we can’t say that it a surprise or that it was sad; she was breaking the law, endangering her children, endangering other people's children, & all the other bad stuff. 

If your neighbor is a drug dealer don’t lend her your best muffin pans unless you can part with them for 20-life Federal Time.  

And certainly, try to avoid garden topless on the morning the pack of DEA agents silently creep through the backfield to remove the phone tap.  

Possibly consider a new name for your dog Kilo.  Especially if he is going to corner the officers with your 'history of taking off your shirt' on display and you're going to have to call your dog... "Come here Kilo. Good boy."  

And try not to miss her too much, even if the way she says certain words makes you laugh so hard you might pee your pants just thinking about it.