night drives

There were half a dozen things bouncing around in my head as I took the heavy bend in the icy road leading to Primary Children's Medical center late last night.  I haven't done the math but between years of working at the U, going to school, medical training & research, and sick kids I have probably made this drive a few thousand times or more.  Last night was different in a way, it was the first time the kid heading to emergency medicine was driving himself.  I was in chase a few minutes behind him.  Here is where I reluctantly thank Josh for the push to send me after I had already talked myself out of going with an 18 yr old about to be 19 needing a simple hand x-ray. This is also where I try to ignore the fight it caused between BC and me (out of his concern for me) as I left already too sick and tired to be out alone that late. And the idiocy of the desperately stupid phone call placed to one of my best friends, Brandon, on the eve of his birthday (wow could I be any more selfish?! so sorry....) because I needed a safety net.
There is a part of us that knows the people in our lives love us and would do anything for us if we only ask and there is the part us that knows the reality of when you are driving in the dark alone, you are alone in the dark...
Then there is the look on the face of a man-boy when he sees his mother walk in from the frozen darkness of a late December night to glaring lights of the busy ER. It's not very often one gets to let their kids know you are there for them for more than necessity but by choice.

In the end he would have been better off without me, nothing too broken but when the Doctor takes a liking (for reason unknown) to your mother they tend to hang out longer, talk longer, review the x-rays twice, walk back in the room for no reason at all and linger.  My man-boy leaning into me to whisper, "Mom, please just give him your phone number so we can get out here..."