medicine gone south

Me: My eye hurts and it is watering but nothing looks wrong.
Him: Under stress?
Me: Yep.
Him: Still a diabetic?
Me: Yep.
Him: Find yourself between the ages of 30 to 50?
Me: Smack-dab.
Him: Got fatty blood and a full figure?
Me: That was a nice way to put it...hum don't know the first but yes to the second.
Him: The answer to the first is (NO). Obviously you failed to study for this quiz.  You are not a well informed healthcare consumer, this concerns me.
Me: Yeah, so the eye....(?)
Him: You either have a textbook stye or you are crying because you are an aging stressed-out diabetic and you miss me.
Me: You forgot fat.
Him:  Full figured, yummy.
Me: ....
Him.  Yes, the eye.  Use a clean lint free cloth as a warm compress for 10 minutes 4-5 times to aid in healing and for pain relief.
Me:  I have never had a stye before....(?)
Him: You probably do not have one now either.  Knowing you most likely you scratched your eye with the back of your gloves while you were running. You do it at least once every season.
Me: Then why in the hell did you tell me it was a stye?!
Him: I wanted you to feel you were getting your moneys worth.  And to cover my ass.  The treatments are identical.  Anything else you would like me to misdiagnosis for you?  We could play Emergency Room Medicine, the treat-em-and-street-em vision.
Me: (that was not nice!) but opposed to what the Kill 'em & Bill 'em version?
Him:  Be still my beating heart! The Lady is fast to defend her chosen field and yet cannot help but to one up me on the insult!  Have I ever asked you to marry me?
Me: Many times in fact once you gave me a prescription for it but I'm afraid it has expired.
Him: I will write you a new one. RX: Take me twice and wake me up in the morning.  I am so cleaver.
Me: yes, that is a nice way to put it.