it could happen to anyone- well, anyone crazy enough to be me

There is a knock at the door.  Yesterday I was so sick I would have ignored it but today I feel a bit less dead. 

I bound down 3 steps, trip on the fourth and stumble the remaining treads to the landing. Less dead but not any more graceful. A man in a safety vest from Rocky Mountain Power is staring through the glass watching me. 

I open the door with the plan to appear more normal than my first impression offers. Odds are against me. I am wearing a t-shirt that reads mental ninja, a pair of glossy black boxing shorts, and my wrists are still taped from working out. 

As if this wasn't enough when I open the door a little blond dog comes flying out at him. The man jumps back and begins trying to shake the dog off his leg.

Now I know he must be thinking that I have let an giant albino squirrel out on him so I say, "It's not my dog." 

This only seems to add to the amount of time it takes him to recover his composure. 

"I'm not joking." I say and take a swipe with my foot at the dog as it tries to reenter my house. "Not my dog. I've already put it back twice today" 

I pull the door shut behind me to at least give me a fighting chance against this white devil. 

The man explains without taking his eyes off the yapping dog that yes he is with the power company and they will be trimming trees in the next few weeks. I listen and nod and kick at the dog as it jumps on me.    

"So what do you need from me?" I ask with my best I am a compliant citizen smile. 

"To not shoot or kill us when we enter your property." Well, I see our reputation on 10th west proceeds us. 

"I won't try to kill you but I can't guarantee that this dog doesn't end up duct taped to the back of one of your trucks."  

The man pauses. "Now, you have chickens?" We both turn to watch the newest mom hen parade her chicks past a sleeping cat on the edge of the driveway.  The dog, seeing them too, darts. Suddenly all hell breaks loose.  The chicks scatter and the mom hen takes off after the white dog chasing it across the front lawn. 

"Seem to have them today."

"You might want to lock them up when we come."

"Don't worry most of them already are and the ones that are out aren't armed." For being sick and on the fly it was a good chicken joke but he ignored it. 

"I think I remember this house. Did you guys have a dead squirrel under a bucket?" 

Wow, that is a pretty far out question to ask a woman.... 

"Yes,.... but for the record you guys are the ones who killed him. 

It was death by electrocution. We just handled the last rights."