stirred

When I was a little kid I was sick a lot.  I spent a few too many nights in the old Primary Children’s Hospital and good deal of time in bed beneath a plastic tent stripped of stuffed animals and familiar blankets. I had asthma, bad asthma the kind that could drive a family out of hotel room in the middle of the night to flee a trigger.  But as I grew up, played soccer, and started running the symptoms all but vanished only to reappear in my first 2 children.  

Oddly enough I don’t always mind being sick (which I am a lot!) it slows down my body long enough to trap my mind.  But today under dark skies I can’t help but to relate to child me sneaking out of bed and pressing my face against a frozen window wishing to be out. 

I’ve only been sick 7 days hardly alarming but while I was ’away’ I missed class, miss a day of work, missed being a mom, and it snowed.  I feel like the only kid missing recess.

Sure the snow is keeping up high, one would have to climb a mountain to get to it and I can’t even carry in groceries without falling into a coughing fit.  But I dream of running downing narrow mountain shoots, flying calf deep through snow like a train wreck waiting to happen. I want to fall without consequence, jump without having to think about where I'm going to land, I want to stomp like a rabid giant, and when it is all done I want to throw myself down sweaty and wet into the open back of little red peeling off layers with one hand the other searching for a thermos of steaming hot coffee.  Then sleep the sleep of tired sore bliss.  Dream of icy mountains, of the sound the wind makes breaking through the trees, dream of falling. 

First snow dust of 2013 Wednesday night outside GTC

I really, really just want to go out and play.