please excuse me while I move to Sweden...

Admittedly I've been in a slow motion funk but not in a bad way.  It's been good for me the same way a long boring drive home or a long boring weekend of being laid up sick can restart your heart being 'funked up' has helped me to see what is possible to get done if I will slow down long enough to just do it. (big run on sentence, I know).  I have spend a ton of time in the garden and way too much time at the gym watching Beach BUT I have also done some amazing things:

Baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies and remembered to leave a batch of blanks for Beach (chocolate chip less cookies).
Went running in the rain.
Watched a movie I have wanted to see for a very long time.
Read a million books. (Okay not a million exactly).
Made cucumber sandwiches.
Read someone else's blog entry the whole way through.
Made ice.
Not impressed yet, shrug... See my challenge is in doing the little things, the details, the ironing of life.  Interestingly enough the person here good at the small stuff is BC.  And not so nice statement to follow he hasn't been doing it for sometime now whether he is too busy or too caught up in day to day I don't know that is for him to figure out.

What I figured out is I am not willing to live without the simple elegance of life, things like a heaping bowl of air popped popcorn for move night, a spontaneous game of soccer, sun tea and a late afternoon read-a-thon, warm pancake syrup, you know the details.


This morning BC at my suggestion took the kids down the river trail to the skate park to see his son skate (and the local market) by bike, foot, and board. They left while I was working out and I was given the impression I was failing him by not coming too.  So after soul sucking CrossFit workout I laced up my running shoes and headed to find them.  [Side Note: It is a gesture I miss being offered to me. I feel as if meeting me on my terms is beyond anyone else's wishes or desires: I am to come to theirs >period<end of story. thanks for being there for us, Misty.]

It wasn't too hot despite how late it was and in fact it rained.  I found them in the park and Beach was so happy to see me run in.  "CrossFit and a run?" BC asked.  "I got the impression doing my workout wasn't enough for you because you were going running."  And either I was right and he agreed or he wasn't even listening to me because he didn't respond.  But that doesn't matter.  Perhaps a thirty minute run isn't a small detail nor is showing up for the people who matter but in a way it is the very details I am talking about.

A kiss good-bye as we hit the trail heading home

We stopped at the park on the way home and Beach played while I did bar-dips and sit-ups and BC watched us smiling & know him well enough to know what he was thinking...
So I'm not so funked-up any more but I am at a place where I see things a little differently than before.  I know from past experience that if I lead, BC will follow, as he knows the same of me.  Eventually he will fall out of lust with his new workshop/garage and things with having his son living here full time will settle.  Until then I will find happiness in putting placemats down for lunch and taking the time to fold shirts the 'right way'.