falling backing to grace

So, I didn't mention this before but when we were hiking up to Death Creek Res. we stumbled into a strange little ravine. To get back to the trail we did some up hill bushwhacking.  A funny thing happened to me on the way to the top...I didn't quite make it. I was last to attempt to ascend the steep hillside. I was moving slowly because I was sure I was going to fall. I always think that and yet I always go anyway.  

But this time I placed the foot I thought wouldn't hold and sure enough the soft sandy soil let loose right under me.  I was so surprised when I felt my body start to pitch I didn't do anything to try to stop it. I allowed the free-fall backwards total say so in where I would end up. The fall was only about six feet and I landed on my back, hitting my head. I have an old skull fracture that doesn't love being landed on but the ground was soft. Still it was enough to knock the wind out of me.  

There I had a quiet moment alone laying in the dirt between a sharp rock to the right of me & a sharper rock to the left to think about what didn't & did just happened. 

My conclusion is this: I have spent so much of my life doubting myself that for better or worse I have quit paying attention to it. 

And that makes a whole lot of things clearer. Once upon a time I was a little girl who lived in a Wolf's Den and pretended I didn't. All these years later that same little girl is supposed to be trusted to tell me the difference between solid ground and sand bar. 

Learning to trust is a tricky matter but I think one of the most effective methods is the 'fall back method' where one person closes their eyes then falls back trusting the other person will catch them.  And I believe that was exactly what I just did...